The opening of my new play, Kyle Ankowitz, Master of the Universe

FLOYD
Oh, Kyle Ankowitz, t hank you so much for coming over.
I just don’t know what to do about my toilet.

KA
No problem. It’s good to meet you finally.

FLOYD
Likewise. Ha ha. I always wanted to say “likewise”
Thanks for giving me the opportunity. (to say
likewise)

KA
No problem. I really enjoy reading your blog.

FLOYD
I really enjoy your blog too. It’s so fresh and new.

KA
You’re so talented.

FLOYD
Thanks.

KA
So what seems to be the problem?

FLOYD
Well, it’s my toilet.

KA
Obviously.

FLOYD
It’s possessed by the devil.

KA
Let’s take a look.

FLOYD
It’s right here.

TOILET
Satan is my master!

FLOYD
See?

KA
I see.

TOILET
I will eat you and take you to hell.

KA
Hmmm. I’ve seen this before. I think that the toilet
stopper chain a ma jiggy is too long. If I shorten it
and say three hail marys.

TOILET
No, no!!!!

FLOYD
KYLE ANKOWITZ, you are a mad genius.!!!!

KA
Thanks.

FLOYD
HA HA

KA
HA HA

TOILET
NOOOOO. HA HA HA.