Blog of Floyd

the space...ahhh..of Floyd Britchcraft

Tuesday, July 24, 2007

Why I pretended to be Jewish

People ask me, hey Floyd, will you tell us the story of why you pretended to be Jewish?  So i decided to post it here.
 
Once upon a time there was this theatre that read my play.  We can call them for the sake of argument, The Jewish Theater of America.  Billy (Let's pretend) from The Jewish Theater of America called me up and said, we like your play, and we have an open slot in our season but we only do plays by Jews.  Are you Jewish?
 
I thought long and hard.  Because Mother told me not to lie ever.  That's how i was brought up.  Not to lie.  But I wanted someone to do my play and not descriminate against me and my play Noah meets Jesus.  Well would anyone ever know if i lied?  If they saw me go to church they might.  But i could just say that I was going for research.  I am circumsized, if it ever came to that.  (it never came to that.)  Then I thought what would Jesus do?  And jesus was jewish so he would say yes.  So that's what i did.  I said yes I am a jew.  Do my play please.  and they did.  And it got bad reviews by everyone who reviewed it.  Even though they built an ark onstage and even though the cruxifiction was done as a disco number.
 
After this happened, I decided not to worry so much abotu whether or not I was not Jewish or not anything else and I sent my plays everywhere, even pretending i was a woman.  And this is when i started writing my play from the point of view of the Native Americans. 

Wednesday, July 04, 2007

a 4th of July play

(THREE KITTENS, FLITTAIL, JUSTIN and FURRRY sit on the
fire escape smoking cigaretts)

FLITTAIL
I love the 4th of July

FURRY
Me too.

JUSTIN
I don't. I hate it.

FLITTAIL
It's because you're not patriotic.

FURRY
You hate America. Go on, admit it.

JUSTIN
I will. I hate America.

FURRY AND FLITTAIL kill him and then lick the blood
off their claws.

FURRY
I never liked Justing.

FLITTAIL
Me eitehr.

FURRY
Thos hotdogs ready yet?

FLITTAIL
I hope so. Tehn after let's set off the fireworks.

FURRY
YAY!

FLITTAIL
YAY!

FURRY and FLITTAIL
Happy independence Day America--I hope you are making
the best of it both here and abroad!!

FURRY
Yay! Abraod!!

FLITTAIL
Let's go watch Fox news and set off the bottle rockets
and guns.

FURRY
Yay!

 
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